Buffalo Escort

Everything I learn it seems, comes from the AOL welcome screen… This got me to thinking when I saw this on the AOL Welcome screen today..

” Facebook banned a lady for her breast feeding photo”

Yet, there are hookers all over the country on facebook and myspace.

Jiminy crickets, where’s the justice ?

________________________

So , I tell my girlfriend in Cleveland this, who has just came back from a client flying her in and out of NYC for New Years Eve/New years day.

“I’m eating my 20 dollar M&M’s from my hotel mini bar ”

For the love of Soup! Where’s the justice in that ? I’d hate to see the price of M&M’s in a hotel mini bar in Chicago.. LOL.. My last hoorah in Chicago, me and my girlyfriends cleared out my minbar… 297 dollars later.. don’t ask me why I remember that figure.. LOL… Probably because it was tacked on to my 400 dollar fine for smoking in the room.. HAHAHAHHA.. It really is funny .. Well , now anyhow.. but where is the justice ?

Why does word press suck ?  I need to redo my whole wordpress blog - thank god I dont have alot on this one yet anyhow - thanks for all the commenteers emailing me their comments - I love to see them -

Ok , I’m out - it’s 1:55 am and nothing on my to do list is done for today- yet, I’ve gotten alot done today..

Where is the justice? How does that even work ? LOL

This is the word of Ciara,

Amen

As for social networking -  
 
It isnt something you just DO..
It is something you need to LEARN How to do - before you do it -  
 
1. are your kids on my space or facebook ? Or their friends.. Yes they are. They will find you. Nieces and Nephews ?
 
2. Are you socially networking your escort life / Hobbying life ? Many of the sites say ” do you want to invite all the people on your aol, aim, yahoo, mail lists, “ whatever…   Sometimes, they give options, sometimes they dont.. It just does it !! Are you logged into your emails ? are you logged into chats while you are doing this ?  Ba’am , Aunt Susie’s email address just made it to your ‘ho’ my space.
I hope mom ,dad, sister, neighbors email or chat names arent on there.. they will get the invite.
 
3. Are you socially networking your civvy life ? real name - etc and so on - well  i hope you dont have your escorting/ hobbying email , chats , etc opened in the background.. your whole list will get an invite..
 
Some sites give options, some dont ….  
Some ladies/men just  press whatever, and off they go -  Ask me how many ” Join myyearbook and add yourself to Joe schmoes profile. ” Explain that one too your old  highschool sweetheart !

Dink a Do would like to add you as a friend.. So I  go check out dink a do’s profile and he has a pic of his wife, his kids, kids friends, looks like a boss at his work… I mean cmon- this social networking stuff is dangerous when you dont have a clue. Men, please get a clue LOL.
 
Social neworking is VERY SCARY if you dont know what you are doing -  
 
Again, it isnt something you do -  
It’s something you need to LEARN how to do.
 
Just like escorting /hobbying..  
It isnt about lying in a bed and fucking all day. 

I was almost gonna start socially networking  ciara’s escort land… but it’s too much work.. Christ, I surely don’t have the time.. So I ask a social networking guru to do it for me- cause it exhausts me to think about.. Heck - even pay her to do it - cause I know how much work it is - She goes on to tell me… If you add here and here and here,, and update it on here,, it will update you on all three ….

Then if you add yourself to twitter, tumblr, faceboook and la te ya.. and update it on la te ta, it will update you on all ten !!

Just send me the email address you want to use… so I can validate the emails - some pics of you , and a little something about you ….

DOINK -

Just forget about it - ROFL

tooo much work …

Go to www.buffalocharm.com

One press of a css template - and an FTP upload - and im updated- SIMPLE

Now let me go eat some simple Soup

 What is on your resolution list ? Resolutions are a mind game to me - I never keep them - Neither do you - You know it LOL … Hell, we are only human -

To many people say..

Im going to quit smoking this year.

Instead this year, I did what makes me productive all year long. “To Do” lists. 

This always helps me keep organized.. I make one every morning before I start my day.. Checking things off is fun and give me a feeling of accomplishment daily.

So this year, for my New Years resolution, I made a checklist of 5 things, I want to accomplish each month !!

And I am going to do them dammit ! Ha..

How bout you ?

For years, many girls have asked me - How do you do it .. How do you become an escort - well it was easy then - tell them where to put up some ads- tell them how to act right - cause that is what they are getting paid for and that is that - Viola `. you’re an escort !! Lay in the bed , sit at your computer waiting for the phone to ring while peeling grapes- and Yes, Viola` you are an escort !!

So now- The past year- I get INSANE people telling me “ I want to be an escort and have no clue how to go about it.. your site looks very smart - you seem popular- “

Yes I am smart and popular, but out of 800, 000 ( more really ) escorts in the USA, they pick me ? WHATEVER.. This means, they aren’t new. I mean, did they google, ” Smart Escort “ or ” How to be a hooker in 1 day ? “ And up comes www.buffalocharm.com? . Would ya just slap me and call me stupid please ?

So, Yeah, I write this stupid series of PHD’s… I only write them when I am mad, and they take me less than 10 minutes to write - TONS of funny nonsense /information packed in them - the only thing the majority of girls get out of them is ” Can you please send me your Ciara 007 screening tips.. ”
NOW COME ON -
Do i really know who is emailing me ? Is it a man , is it a cop ? Is it a wife ? So , I make them pay for my screening tips now- they get so tickled when i say, ” Sure 35 dollars for them “… ROFLMAO.. Makes me LAUGH -

Or girls I know somewhat, I tell them to go to Dangerzone411.com ( after they are screened and canvased better than an FBI Agent LOL ) .. and they are all about.. ” THIS SITE IS SO AMAZING .. OMg What a wonderful idea …. OMG what a wealth of information… OMG OMG OMG.. ” Til, their 7 day free trial is up - And I never see them again.! It makes me giggle - Oh I know, times are tough.. especially for those poor girls with 200 dollar ads on EROS, 400 dollar ads on RS2k.. Paid ads on CV …

So i get the good phone call the other day- From Some girl claiming shes an Artvoice girl (for national girls- Artvoice is our rag sheet here in Buffalo ) - wants to get out of the papers and get on line.. ( because it costs 90 dollars to advertise there ) ROFL.. ( I guess the internet is cheaper ? ) How does she do it ? Where does she go ? How does she screen - Young black girl - I told her two places to go to - Apparently there was still more info to know… I mean.. these people actually want me to sit on their laps for one day and teach them everything I have learned in 11 years.. ( and still learning ) That don’t happen Susy Q. Before that , she was all about getting together and talking and bringing her laptop with her. I think she thought she had a free ticket into Castle De’ Ciara - LOL .. After I told her about the 11 years and that a magician doesnt teach all their tricks- therefore, they wouldn’t be a magician-and to meet me and the local pub- .. No phone call today .. LOL.. Dammit.. So here I sit, Peeling grapes !

Let me tell you about the email I received last week- I get an email last Friday- From Some Rainbow chick… That is wanting to network with ” High Class ” providers.. She sends me her ONE craigslist ad she has posted in Hudson Valley… Sends me her myspace page- Now if she knows where to find us : HighClass Providers ” Why not just take a look at my site, see where i advertise, and go from there ? ” Heck.. many girls do that,, and a few years later, i see posted on a message board somewhere… That I am the reason why they are so thankful for their financially secure life.. Hell, I don’t even know they follow . It’s a good feeling -..
Anyhow,
This Rainbow chick emails all my friends on my banner links - addresses them all as Ciara- and wants to know how to be an escort and wants to network with high quality providers and so on - Cause she doesnt know Ciara that well. Some of the emails, she did know Ciara very well. So I called her and left her a few choice words - To leave my friends alone… How did I know this- well, all of us network together- I got about 30 phone calls if not more over the weekend.. and forwarded emails from my friends.. Who is this girl ? Why is she messaging me ? Why is she calling me Ciara … Everyone that knows me - knows how much I love when people fuck with me on weekends- My bestest friend in Canada told her ” Oh , Then I guess you really don’t know Ciara too well afterall ” … The girl started screaming at her like a lunatic-

Well, if there are any new girls reading this blog -
let me tell you three things you have to have in this business
*** A criminal mind ( why yes, you have to have a criminal mind to be a criminal )
***Money ( you have to have money to make money, Thats any business. And yes, fucking is a business )
**** and just a mind, period …
***Have some smarts..

No girl that has been around for more than two years or so - is going to give you any info at all -
They think you are a cop -
They think you are a girl coming back as somone new- you know, the girl that thinks she knows everything… doesnt network with anyone.. cause she thinks she is safe all on her own ? that is until, She spends a couple of days or weeks behind a few bars dressed in Orange- all of a sudden -She needs some friends-

On www.dangerzone411.com… I get THE most ridiculous forms ever-

Form 1 ” hi, im from LA, im new, I need to know how to be an escort, a provider at the gym told me about your site ” I mean, cmon.. did the girl tell the other girl during a 30 minute circuit training.. ” Hey i want to be a hooker, know where i should go ? ” And the civilian says, why yes, ” Go to Dangerzone411.com ” ROFLMAO

So I tell Miss New girl - to tell Miss Work Out Barbie to email me and vouch for her.. Miss New Sue emails and tells me, the Gym Barbie, didn’t want to email me.. can she still get in ? OY !! ROFL..

Form 2 : Then I get Miss Hogan , who is new to Vegas, hasnt a clue what to do - She claims has astounding reviews but doesnt send them - and Miss So and so can vouch for her- A provider that has been in two times and never wants to stay and pay… So I get the vouch from provider one, and Miss New Bee, her email is coming from Ohio. Not Vegas.. So Miss Ohio ’s astounding reviews.. were a whole 3 in the same month , written by men with no other reviews… Can you just lick me where I pee miss New Bee ? DO i really seem as dumb as you look ?

Form 3 :Let’s not foget- Miss Ivana, that used to be Miss Vana, that used to be Miss Vani, That used to be, Miss Wiona, that is now, Miss Iguana.. why shhhhhhhhh, I’d never know - Maybe she can get into Dz again or do a banner exchange with me ! How the hell would I know ? Afterall, Im a national touring escort for 11 years, I don’t know much or who’s who. Not to mention I have over 2200 girls emailing me with the scoop and the skinny on someone, in some city, in some state, and some country on any given day… I know the news from Anchorage Alaska, to Albany NY. I never the scoop from Sydney Australia, To Singapore. But shhhhhhhh, don’t tell . Ciara won’t know a thing..

Form 4 Did I Mention - Miss VIP, Miss BBW, Miss Erotica , MissXXX that is best friends with MissJudd, MissJuggs, Miss Luggs and has a pimp named Thugs ? But, shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I’d never know that ! That her pimp is her manager, cause she doesn’t know how to use a computer and he has access to every ladies board there is -

I forgot another banner freak - a new a girl from Hawaii.. - who goes through all my banner links- tries to do banner exchanges with all my friends on my banner links - Gets whoever on there - and now her site is down for construction ? After being a banner nazi and total harrassment in the 1st degree -.. How weird is that ? VERY !

In a soup bowl, quite the same as a nutshell - Here’s the skinny on it all - Just because you raise your hand in this industry and say ” I’m a ho, ” does not entitle you to information ( Thank you Miss Arizona for that quote ) ( A B B , you’re the bomb ) . If you are going to learn from the best… Then do it the way we did- By earning the respect from men and ladies alike. This doesn’t happen overnight. And It can only be done by YOU.. Not me or anyone else that trains you .. the only way we can train you - is what works for us ! We have no clue what will work for you -

After reading all this - You want to become an escort- why sure - I’ll help you - Money keeps the nonsense makers away !
Cause no one wants to pay for a single thing - People tend to fuck around less when there is money involved.
500 to teach you via my book -
100 for my screening tips-
Now, if you want me to come sit on your lap - that will cost alot more-
Perhaps, as soon as ciara finds a safe venue - Ciara will be giving Seminars Wait til you see the ticket prices for that ! HAHA.. That wasn’t my idea- Some girls from NJ/NYC that want me to open an agency called.. ” I GOT YO GIRLZ ” .. Long funny story. Perhaps another blog.. Can ya stand it ? hahaha

PS. Oh ! Did I tell you about the 23 year old from San Francisco ? She has one review on Redbook and apparently gives safety courses to escorts. Been around for 6 months - Why yes.. Send me a ticket to that seminar, I’d love to sit in on that one -

Love and lots of

 Some simple guidelines if and when you are touring with other girls.

Written by Ciara of Buffalo http://www.buffalocharm.com

15- No, this stuff didn’t happen to Ciara. I
tour alone, Cause I don’t want Number 1 through 14 happening to me ..Are you
haha’ing ? I am

Those of you that knew her - knew her well -
those of you that didnt -
She would tell you to go straight to he-ll
this time last year- we were getting ready to put out her new site -
She was feeling so much better and ready to get back to work  -

She was doing pretty well -

we lost our miki in August of last year -

I miss her with all my heart and Soul !!

Im afraid to leave my office now,cause i know shes going to do something to show me a sign -
In  November - when i took down her  ” In memory ” Banner for christmas- all sorts of weird sh*t happened in my house.. LMAO
Happy Birthday Miki !!
Here is a blog she wrote last year- 2 days before her birthday-
She was getting ready for her T-er Birthday party -
http://escortblogs.net/mikithemilf.htm?blog=20060512120438
we wont say what happened to the guest list
-crazy stuff -
I bunch of misfits got a hold of her birthday party guestlist ( all her clients ) Had a T-er meet n greet- and didnt invite her to it - even turned her away at the door -
 ____________________________

[color=#cc0000]
http://escortblogs.net/mikithemilf.htm?blog=20051023113956[/color]
You can tell alot about a person by the music they listen too -
Here was mikis playlist !!

_________________
[color=#cc0000]http://escortblogs.net/mikithemilf_archive.htm?m=all[/color]
read from the bottom up

_____________________
http://mikithemilf.com/

And one of her comedy routines-
[color=#cc0000]http://buffalocharm.com/kgb_radio_111606_MikiCut.mp3[/color]

You know, it’s amazing, how many men use the adult industry as a dating site - As many of my readers know, I have girlfriends all over the country. Yes all over. There isn’t a city I can’t go to in any state, where I don’t know an escort or 5 in this industry !

A Boston Provider friend of mine said to me today on the phone  :

“Ciara, there aren’t any good men in Boston to date. They are all broke. So One guy asked me out on a date - and after, I asked him if he wanted to go to the Ritz Carlton bar for drinks. He said he was broke. He just paid his car note.  She said to him ” Look at me, I wear Gucci,GUESS and have Chanel earrings on. Do you really think you can keep on dating me ? ? “  ROFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

So - One of my other friends who travels the whole country has one telling her, how much he loves  her . Of course, she doesn’t love him. Of course, we all enjoy our time together with our fellow gents. But, uhm love? Cmon, if you can fall in love for an hour or two, that must be some GOOOOOOD Pussy… She tells me

“Ciara, I’ve been around long enough to know, That ” I love you “ translates to - “I want some pussy for free ”

Ok, So in New Jersey.. last week.. A GREAT friend of mine says to me  ” After they see me 4-5 times, they want to take me to movies and coffee…FoR FREE ” WTF.. DO I Have adultfriendfinder stamped on my head ! ? ” I have enough movies and coffee and friends !!

Anyhow, once in a blue moon , I get one of these cling ons as well. I mean, does my site not say it all ? Come fall in love, for an hour or two … That doesnt mean a year or two. Or three or four .

Men don’t even know what they are in for when it comes to trying to date an escort- fall in love with an escort .

Heck , lets not forget about our sugardaddy boys all over the country. They think , exclusive arrangement, means,” I own your ass.  ” They try to stalk girls day and night ! Then when the arrangement date is up - they threaten to tell your family what you do ?

Crazy men. You boys think you run into crazy ladies ? Hell, You never asked us about our Star Trek cling ons we have-

 What am I trying to relay in this message ?

That escorts and hobbyists are friends with benefits- that we run a business, we work, just like you . And of course… Dont say I love you , Cause we all know it means ” I want free pussy ” .. LMAO

This is the word of Ciara,

Amen

Todays soup of the day is ,

Cling on Soup

hiring an escort <– click here

Can you relate to this - absolutely hysterical raves the Ciara Times !

this guy deserves an emmy. He is just hysterical in every he does !!

How to view Ciara’s Site secretly at work LOLL

This is just the best birthday card ever !!!

Beverly and Mr Fisher should enjoy this one !!
Thank you Jacqueline LMAO

What amazing gifts I received and thank you so very much !!!

Well, Beverly is at it again and she makes me proud… she has stolen from the maid cart ! YAY!!

She sent me washclothes in zip lock baggies- All labled individually !!

“Crowne Plaza ,Oklahoma City, OK ”

“Sofitel, San Mateo California ”

Inside my card it says.. now the joke is,
” Did I really do this , Or is it a joke ? ”

So the great detective I am ( LOL ).. I look at all the labels on the washclothes.. They are all different… “SHE DID REALLY DO IT ”

But one hotel washcloth from Sofitel , the tag reads “wamsutta hotel ” ..

So Now, I have to put on my CSI hat.. take some shreddings from the washcloth, and compare it to the hotels washclothes there..

You girls never let me stop working, even after my birthday !! What the heck !?!!??!?

The best joke of all with Beverly’s joke gift is..

A box full of washclothes from all over the country.. and she had to stuff the top of the box with …..

With………..

BUBBLE WRAP ????????????????????
Beverly, were the washclothes going to shatter ????????????????????

LOL

Lord !! More to write later, absolutely hysterical !!

Make sure to listen to this card at the bottom !

Website: http://www.bluemountain.com/view.pd?i=1902464

t’s to funny how girls panty collections just disappear before our eyes. We want to wear our favorite , and they are gone !

We look under the bed
Under the dresser
Under the covers
In the laundry
Maybe we dropped them outside the laundry room somewhere
Maybe got thrown in a closet real quick by accident..

Nope favorite panties arent around ! Dammit. I mean its ok if you have 85 black thongs/panties- But when that dwindles down to 3 pair.. we get a little irate ! LOL

Now I hide my panties when they come off during appointments. I kinda throw them under the bed or tuck them somewhere under the covers so they can’t find them.. LOL

Well, Hey.. there is always a man to break every rule !

A gentlemen friend today ASKED ME if he could have my panties after our time together !! WOOOT WOOOT ! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I told him.. SURE !! How fun !!

He asked me where they were, that he didn’t see them anywhere.. Ciara said…

” why were you looking for them before you asked ? ”

He was blushing..

Hahahahha…

I went to my Soupity Duper hiding spot and got my panties.. I gave him my panties ! He was too sweet ! I wonder if he will auction them off ? haHAhAH.Kidding

So : to all men that steal panties. Really just ask ! You can have Ciara’s panties anytime !!

So again, I asked him..

I said : ” we’re you going to steal them ?”

He blushed ” Well, erm, uhm, no …”

Ciara Said :

” Liar Liar ! panties on fire !!! ”

this is the word of Ciara
Amen

todays soup of the day is :

Panty Soup!

So, I’m talking to one of my male friends in Civvyland - You know, that land we HATE TO GO TO? Anyhow - I tell him all my trials and tribulations and all my events of the day. He knows everything about me..

I tell him , didn’t I tell you last month that there was rumor of a Truck strike on April 1st ? “Tell me I am right again ! ” LOL

Friend : Who told you that anyhow ?

Me : An escort friend ( insert name )

Friend : Thats all you girls do is yappity smack all day. You all don’t know anything, you just think you do ..

ME : I WAS LIVID - And it isn’t even PMS week LOL…
” SOme of the most smartest people I know I have met through the industry. Some of the most dumbest people I know I have met outside of it . ”

I hung up.. I was livid -

Why is it? Because we are escorts ? we don’t know a thing !!

God - I am fucking mad, insulted and frustrated-

_________________
This is the word of Ciara
Amen
Todays soup of the day is
IDIOT SOUP

I see this ad on the net this morning. >That someone is looking for a cheerleading team.. but they want all the particpants to be big fat men !

I mean, who is going to say, OH THAT IS ME.. Let me go try out. I need to know, why, in all these years.. Why we don’t have the term

BBM- Big Beautiful men

BBM- Big Bulky men

Why couldn’t the add say - Obese ? We need obese men
we need overweight men
we need portly men
no - just- we need FAT MEN -

I hate advertisers these days- anything to go look at an ad- and who cares how it hurts people.

Todays soup of the day is
BBM Soup

Dear Mike,

Please do not tell other escorts you have seen me, simply by saying:

“My name is Mike and I have seen Ceara of buffalo ”

“My name is Michael and I live near the blvd and I have seen Sierra ”

” My name is Mike, And I have seen Cierra. She lives in a blue house.

” Yes , I have seen Clara of Buffalo, My name is mike and I am 35 ”

For the love of Soup… Do you know how many Mikes I have seen in Buffalo in the past month ???? In the past year ?

This may sound kinda slutty, But how do you sound, with not even knowing how to spell my name or what color house I live in ? LOLOL

Its only Monday and it’s Mike week.

Boys, if you need references, every man in the city of Buffalo and cleveland, know That I am more than happy to provide. I did not simply see you by going on the name Mike .. Give a girl a clue for heavens sake.

Ps Mike - Please give a little more info than Mike.. We dont care about your home, significant other, kids,cars or life .We have our own. We surely do not want yours.

This is the word of Ciara,
Amen
Todays soup of the day is,
Mike Soup

People come and go, people stay.

I’ve been in the industry so long,I’ve seen so many retire, so many move on.. Bigger and better things I guess…

I remember, the days of Jenna Brant and when she first started..

I remember the days of Gina Depalma, when she first started on the net. That was fun stuff. We used to email all the time. Then she got big. shes a superstar. woohoo, Total respect for the girl. She’s one that I admire.. Then one day she told me, i wasnt a real hooker, cause I didnt have garters and stilettos on in my pics.. LOL… shes so very kewl.. Just something that ya never forget. That was 4 years ago. Now I always take my Stilettos with me on photoshoots cause those words ring in my head. Hahah

I remember the days of Autumn Rayne the porn queen. We use to exchange banners and network on the computer through emails of just chitty chat.. She was amazing.She still is !! She stayed, cause she made many friendships in some part of this crazy industry !!!

I remember when Bebedoll first started and I watched her from afar.. How I admired her and all the men that did too ! I thought that was soooooooo kewl… what she once told me when I screwed up the biggest meeting of my escorting life…

“Ciara, its ok, you make a better whore than a secretary. ” I never stop thinking about that when I make some sort of blooper.. And I’ll even tell my gentlemen callers that, that get mad at me.. hahahha.

I remember Jacqueline of Buffalo, when I couldnt figure out how to advertise on the net 7 years ago or where to go…I typed in Buffalo escorts and found her on aspd. Hell, if it wasnt for her. I wouldn’t be here right now. She said to me ” I was so sick of getting fake people asking me to help them, you came across as so real in your email “She told me shortly after ‘ Oh Ciara, dont say what you think , no one will want to see you ” ROFLMAO.. Now girls ask me ” How do you know all these places to advertise, how do you know all these programs, how do you know web design.. ” I taught myself. No ones going to sit on your lap and do it for you. if you want to be an escort, it isnt about fucking. It’s learning a computer and its every click. if you dont know a compter, You just arent going to make alot of money. Thats the end of that story.

We still talk about many things, and she says ” You know you are so right, I never thought of that ” After I tell her, Uhm, jack, you taught me that, we both burst out laughing !! She says ” Did I? ”

I remember, when askjeeves wife got busted and it was the talk of the century.

I remember, when the entire country had disposable incomes and the police dept’s had nothing. Now, many are broke, but police dept’s are rich. No thanks to our good tax money put to use. They wasted about 12 grand in Kissimee Florida last month, to catch 3 girls. ROFL..They were even dumb enough to put it in the papers saying : ” due to the tight screening efforts of prostitutes, it is very hard to get them now ‘ ..

I wanted to write back, “Yes it is mother fuckers ”

I remember when the industry was safe, and no one bothered anyone. Now many girls want to slit one anothers throat just to get that extra 300 or 500 at the end of the day. It’s a crying shame..

I remember, when it was so fun to escort !! Oh wait, it still is !!

It takes a strong thick skin to stay in as long as many girls have. That is love of the business. Not the love of money. Thats the love of every aspect of the industry….The love of men, the love of the friendships that one makes here every step of the way.

Now I totally lost sense of what the hell I was blogging about in the first place.Hahaha

Anyhow, off to bed, I have a photoshoot tomorrow, and you will all DIE LAUGHING at whats in the soup kettle on this one !!

This is the word of Ciara,
Amen

Todays soup of the day is,
memory soup

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today & what did you think?
Damn, I need to do my hair

2. How much cash do you have on you?
3.00 dollars.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?”
whore

4. Favorite planet?
Ur-anus.. Most people talk out of it

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Some OCD guy from Long Island. He is also my 1st 2nd 3rd 4th 5th 6th 7th 8th 9th 10th 11th missed call.

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
Air raid siren - its in my group called OCD

7. What shirt are you wearing?
kiwi green , Go figure

8. Do you “label” yourself?
Plays well with others

9. Name the brand of your shoes you’re currently wearing?
Harley Davidson sandles,dont buy them, they suck

10. Bright or Dark Room?
Bright

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
It was Jacqueline, shes always got the original ones ! She’s original

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Talking to Octavia in NYC

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
Dear Mom, Can I use your credit card to register my car? and I’ll pay you back Friday ?

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
They went out of biz in NY. Go figure LOL

16> What word do you say alot?
Mother scratcher ..aka.Mother fucker..

17.Who told you he/she loved you last?
Miki, honest ! Thats how we always hung up the phone. I do that with all my dear friends.

18. Last furry thing you touched?
My pusscake, I havent shaved for 2 days LOL

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Coffee,cigs

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
Uhm.. does anyone still develop rolls of film? Get off my blog if you do .. LOL

21. Favorite age you have been so far
40~! My beloved told me before I turned 40.. Just wait til your turn 40. Life changes, It changes hard, it changes good. He was right ! ( that isn’t to often LOL)

22. Your worst enemy?
ME

23. What is your current desktop picture?
Me and my beloved at the Blue Rodeo concert at artpark

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
No, you cannot use my credit card !

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
well, id bet them a million bucks I’d fly LOL

26. Do you like someone?
lame

27. The last song you listened to?
Some old Billy Joel Shit.. why do they only play old Billy Joel songs in NYS.. FOR FUCK SAKES

This is the word of Ciara,
Amen

Todays soup of the day is:
Kill Billy Joel Soup

This is what I do on the computer..VIPS read on
___________________________________________________

I work on other projects

I blog.

The soup nazis email does not allow most aol emails to go thru ..

I do not sign on messenger often .

I am going to NYC in 3 days.

I do not appreciate emails asking me ” where will you be, let me know.”
YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW until the day of our
appt where Ill be.

Amazing thing is, all my appts there are from established hobbyists. I guess because they are well known, there is no need to follow rules.
WRONG. No soup for you this year !

Im in midtown Manhattan. Thats where Ill be !Every 3 feet of ny streets has a subway station.

Weekends. My friend LadyBj in Philly will love this one. ” I know you dont work on weekends, Does Sunday count as a weekday ? ”

My weekends, are Friday Saturday Sunday. Call me old school. Those are the weekend days I grew up with .

My forms. Why do people book with me 2 months in advance ? I have no way to keep track of that, As I dont keep records, or lists. Give me a break.

” Do you have new pics ? ”
My body is still the same. My hair is still red. No i dont have new pics.

8 emails in one day. `Ciara are you there ?` `Ciara why arent you answering my emails ?` `Ciara, are you ignoring me.` `Ciara please answer my emails.` `Ciara are we still getting together on the 18th of November at 8 pm.` ( Mind you , this is all from one person.)

How does one make it more clear. I mean, I am the Soup Nazi and all. If I don’t take calls on weekends. Apparently I am not at my computer on weekends. Thencefore, I can’t answer your annoying emails and 12 im’s that follow. So, to the Obsessive compulsive disordered person, NO I WON’T SEE YOU, YOU have a mental problem.

Emails of girls complaining about other girls. Well for christ sake, I know im 38 and older than some, I am no ones mother or big sister, Take it up with them. I dont give a rats ass if someone plagerized a blog entry. You cant plagerize something that isnt published or doesn’t have a copyright^© numbskull. I don’t give a rats ass that TBD sucks and is owned and ran by men- All the boards are - Nationally acclaimed boards that is. I dont care if Kat was carving pumpkins or carving her initials in your brain or someones uterus. I don’t care if someone is fat and btw, Im NOT A size 4. I am a size 6. And if I wasn’t a lady, I wouldnt live where I live, have the career I have, Have the man I have, and have wonderful children that are already paving their road to success. Yes, I am a fucking Lady. A size 6 one at that

So On a brighter note

I do not have a website to meet people. I have a website to lower my therapy bill-

Im going to NYC !

I write my own blogs !

I told everyone to quit the highschool drama and I get backlashed for it !

I told you,YOU ALL LOOK LIKE IDIOTS !
hahahahaha

Bev love your articles.

I’m really coming to Chicago in December

It was Halloween, I got to scare all the little kids.. hehehe

This is the word of Ciara,
Amen

Ciara is the next Soup Nazi!! Vips read on !!!

_____________________________________________

As us girls, we all have our rules and regulations, in this life, and in real life. You know the drill. Don’t call from a blocked number, don’t ask rates, don’t do this, don’t do that, don’t put your fingers in my coo-coo without washing them , and please groom your nails. I don’t like your initials carved into my uterus.

So I get the funniest Instant message yesterday and it began like this..
“Hi Soup Nazi, I’ve been a fan of yours for quite a while !” LOL

The Soup Nazi!!!!!! Now. I’ve been called a thing or three in my day, but the
Soup Nazi? Outrageously funny roars the Ciara Herald! It is based on a Seinfeld episode about a man called the Soup Nazi because of the strict ordering procedures at his soup restaurant.

The Soup Nazi’s place is at the northeast corner of 55th and 8th in New York! She isn’t in Buffalo ! LOL!

“The Soup Nazi” made some of the best soup in the city of New York and his customers lined up around the block to wait for his savory concoctions. When ordering soups the customer had to follow these strict procedures:
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Ordering Procedure
1. When you walk in move immediately to the right

2. Order your soup with no enthusiasm at all

3. Put your money on the counter and move to your left

4. Take your soup and do not give any comments

Tip! Never push your luck and ask for bread. If the Soup Nazi was not pleased with the way you presented yourself at his soup counter he would yell “No soup for you, Next!” And if you really irritated him he said “No soup for you! Come back. One year. Next!”

This is the best ever ! Thank you my dear friend for giving me a chuckle !

This is the word of Ciara Soup!
Amen

So I post a message of Opinion on a review board about, You’ve guessed it !
S * H * O* E * S !!!

Where to get good shoes that will fit me still in a month. I have such a problem with only being a size five. While of course, only getting one good response out of a whole 4 LOL!!!! One that I had gotten was.. ” these great shoes that I generally spend 500.00 on ”

Well holy FUCK! Let me say it again louder ! H O L Y FUCK !! :

500 dollar pair of shoes? I had to laugh. All I thought was, *no wonder some girls complain of being slow, or cutting the next girls throat to get a call. Her rent or bills arent due, She needs shoes *

Myself, I’m an ebay kinda girl, STILL!! I’m a Walmart kinda girl, STILL!! I will ask and wheel and deal for the floor model of my big screen TV and then recite the laws of retail in New York State if they do not accomodate me !

I work out at the gym on a gift certificate I bought off of Ebay-

I will haggle over the flaw of the Liz Claiborne Purse on sale for 35.00 at the nearest outlet mall if it has a flaw. (New York state says , If it’s not marked “as is “, it can be discounted *lol* )

I will wheel and deal over the 20 dollar pair of awesome Faded Glory hip hugger jeans at Walmart if they are hanging on the hanger the wrong way . ( Im sure there is a law, ILL FIND IT DAMMIT!)

I send my soup back at Applebees if it isnt fresh and make sure they take the 3.29 off the check. Yes, even though I make a sickening amount of Money, Applebees is my favorite chain restaruant..I do not like Whores ovaries, I refuse to eat snails. Applebees is safe, Its all identifiable !

I just bought the most awesome Anne Klein Suit at Salvation Army.. Haha.. A little high priced for there.. 19.99 FOR FUCK SAKE! No deal. The cashier wasnt going for the ” It smells Musty, Ill have to take it to the dry cleaners ” kick.. BITCH (if she’s reading)

The Banana Republic chick! God bless you! I saw that same blouse in Aeropastale` for 25. It had a thread hanging.. Come with me to the mall and I’ll get you a discount !

My sons summer shorts, all to small. All the good buy one get one free grocery sales over the winter. I go through his shorts and think ” Bah, these will be ok for swimming !” I think I bought them 4 years ago for 5 bucks at Old Navy ! Not to mention, he now has 45 pair of shorts he can swim in.

No matter how much money I have, I just couldn’t. Am I judging others for loving the finer things in life? Possibly. I mean there isn’t anything wrong with it of course. However, when there is territorial fence post pissing going on, it’s insane. Drama schmama ! All over shoes ! Cracks me up.

I don’t even have a wish list with all those wacky designer items.. I’d be so tickled if someone bought me something I forget every week from my weekly outings.

Like :
*An Algae Eater: Mine croaked. I forget to go to the Fish store to buy one.

*Hefty Bags, For christ sake ! I always forget them and get so angry. Send my son out for some on his jaunts to mall, after work, or to a friends. He comes home ” I forgot the garbage bags ” *holding head *

Welp, (ciaraBonics for Well) Its bedtime, Off come the oldmaid houseslipper I bought from Target and into dreamland!

Only to dream of me, 20 years from now, in Florida, at a hotel I was given on Price line. I’ll dream of swimming with the discounted Dolphins ( I’ll probally tell them its my dying wish)Then, kick up my Westies I bought on sale at Famous Footwear with a 5.00 off coupon. The coupon I convinced them I could use the 10% off coupon with, because the shoes were tried on by other people.

~Goodnight Mrs Kalabash wherever you are !~
( Probally at K-mart that cheap bitch)

Because you are an escort- Because you are in some field of the adult entertainment industry, Some girls think that because they are escort- they cannot live like real people.

They think that because they are a sexworker, that they do not have rights. They think that because they are in the Adult industry they can not break bread and eat a bowl of soup or three at the finest dining establishment . They think that because they were raped, stalked, harassed, or beaten, they cannot go to the police . They think that because they do not have a ‘real ‘ job, they cannot have a house or any piece of property. They think they cannot buy a brand new car. In a soup bowl, Quite like wrapping it all up in a nutshell , Escorts, sexworkers, hookers, courtesans, and Dancers, think they do not have rights. The Soup Nazi, Ciara from Buffalo, is here to tell you. YOU ARE HUMAN, and you can do any of these things.. and, YOU DO HAVE RIGHTS.

Why not.. You MAKE MORE MONEY than any tax attorney that you think will judge you. ! You make more money than any CPA that you think you have to tell your life story to. . You make more money than a manager of a restaurant that may not let you slurp soup with the best of em`. You make more money than any law enforcement officer that may 2nd guess you. If you don’t , Then you are doing something wrong and you haven’t read the first 9 chapters

Lets face it, even if you only do 10 calls a week at 250. That is 2500.00 That is 120,000 a year you just made if you multiply it by 12 ! 5 calls a week at 250? Anyhow, that’s another PHD.

Taxes
Get a DBA - ( doing business as ) Start Small. What is a DBA ? It is a business license. You own and run a business. Every girl, Every adult entertainent person, web designers included, SHOULD BE PAYING THEIR TAXES! Do NOT ever think it WILL never happen to you. If I ever told anyone the girls I know of getting busted for tax evasion, It would make your head spin. You know them, I know them. They are small time girls, just like me and you. Small time, 150- 1000 dollar an hour girls. Needless to say, They pay their taxes now. You can find how to get a DBA by Googling “DBA IN ( YOUR STATE).”

No, You do NOT have to tell your CPA what it is you do.
Heck if ya wanna be bold, go ahead Being honest, will help you in the long run. Remember- the more you make, the more they will make. exotic dancer, web design, photography..

Don’t, however, bother with the H&R Blocks of the world. In my experience, all they do is fill out paperwork..they don’t help you find deductions and expenses you might not have been aware you were entitled to. ( I copied that from somewhere, but it is oh so very true !) I have had that experience..

As for the how to’s, what forms, the tax laws, They vary from state to state. I cannot tell you that.. Hire a professional. That is why you are a professional. Your money should go into your business first and a good can of soup with no sodium :). Make sure you ask your CPA what kind he likes. Your tax professional is your friend !!

Are CPA’s expensive ?
They aren’t as expensive as lawyers when your ass ends up in jail. Worry about your cheap condoms online and inexpensive lingerie later. After all, you can’t wear that to the Federal Pen

Get a DBA
Get a CPA

Ask your lawyer what to do !
You know, the one you have on retainer ? Yes EVERY GIRL SHOULD HAVE THAT TOO!! ( Oh, thats another PHD !)

How do I file mine?
Well , that is kinda personal eh ? Did you want to know how I shave my pussy too and how far I have to go back with the razor at the age of 40? I won’t tell you that either. Let’s leave it to your vivid imagination

Get your act together and file your taxes.
It is really that simple. It just makes the industry and what you do, that less ‘dirty’. You will feel better about yourself if you do. Be a law abiding citizen.

Just call it, honor amongst Thieves

This is the word of Ciara,
Amen

Resources
An Old Profession That’s New to Doing Taxes

Tax Return information for Sex Workers - (for Canada)

Tax help for people working in the adult industry- Australia ( For Australia, Yes, I love you lucy )